I fell in love with my wife at first sight. We met when she came to
a meeting about a script I’d written. She walked into the room
and that was it; bells, whistles, fireworks, I was gone. Still am, ten
years on. But our meeting wasn’t my first sight of her. She was
then, still is, a good and successful actress, and I’d seen her
movies. So did I fall in love with her through watching her on screen?
Could I really have known with inexplicable certainty that we were destined
to be together? We were, but isn’t that what celebrity stalkers
think?
Anyway, like I say, she walked in and we’re married and that’s
a fine thing. So years later, when I wanted to write about love, I thought
back to that first meeting. I remembered wondering whether to shave,
carefully selecting the least obviously stained of my T-shirts, washing
my right hand for a cool yet strong grip. I remembered watching her
walk through the door. And I remembered my heart stopping, then starting
again, forever changed.
In my movie it’s all different, obviously. For starters, I’m
a woman called Rachel. She’s processing up the aisle toward her
intended husband when she looks to her left and locks eyes with someone
she knows immediately to be the love of her life. It’s a while
before she admits that to herself, let alone anyone else (it would’ve
been a short film otherwise), but once it’s out there, their passion
cannot be denied.
We talked a lot in pre-production about how to shoot that moment, the
click. And then we talked a lot in post about how to cut it, how to
score it, how to sell it. I thought then, and still think, that ultimately
it would not be that scene, and our treatment of it, that would convince
the audience something momentous has taken place, but the rest of the
movie. Only if we could make you believe that the two characters should
be together, would be together, and would stay together, would you believe
that they had truly fallen for each other that fast. The paradox of
love at first sight, the way we can differentiate it from lust, or merely
confusion, is that it proves itself only by continuing to exist.
But still, the moment itself had to be beautiful, had to be life-changing,
as it was for me, even if my understanding of what really happened in
that instant is no greater. Did her apocrine glands give off the requisite
pheromones to suit my olfactory system? Did my brain submerge itself
in phenylethylamine? Or did I look into her eyes and see her soul? And
in the end, does it matter? What is important is that something happened,
everything happened. T.S. Eliot said that we should not over-examine
love, not seek to place it “fixed and sprawling on a pin”—the
study of it only devalues the object. It just is. And thank God for
that.