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Rafael (Guillermo Toledo) has transformed the ladies department of an upscale department store into his own personal fiefdom, and his bitter rival for the job of floor manager is Don Antonio (Luis Valrela), veteran manager of the men's department. When Rafael accidentally kills Don Antonio during a heated argument, the only witness is Lourdes (Monica Cervera), a horrible, obsessive saleswoman who blackmails Rafael into becoming her husband and slave. Desperate to be free, Rafael plots to rid himself of her. A black comedy from director Álex de la Iglesia (The Day of the Beast, 800 Bullets).
 

 750 Words About Cinema

I need to write this enormous amount of words and it already feels like a Herculean effort. I don’t quite think I know enough about cinema to fill this vast literary ocean. The first thing I must say is that I am going slightly mad. My head can’t bear it anymore. The cinema is just a miniscule parcel in a universe of irresoluble problems.

My family. My family drives me insane. My mother is aging and demands affection, but I can't give it to her because I make movies in Madrid and she lives in Bilbao. My brother is schizophrenic. He is much better now but he went through a rough episode once. He wanted to kill us all. He “went after” my sister…. My sister wants me to move back to Bilbao, but she actually does not verbalize it; she drops it in conversations in a very subtle manner.

I am guilty. I am also guilty of not paying enough attention to my wife or my two daughters: I, instead, choose to go to the premieres of my stupid films around the world.

In the meantime my country is becoming more and more European, and that frightens me...The globalization is devouring our souls little by little. The monster is bigger and more dangerous every day.

I am afraid. What should I do? I run away. Cinema is a ridiculous way to escape. Everybody sees you flee. It is as if going in the streets with a huge sign on your back that reads: “I am the jerk of the films.” On top of it, I make comedies. Comedies are the most discredited genre.

I am not serious. I don’t make auteur films. I never compromise, politically speaking. I may look like a socialist, but then my films spoil everything. If you are a socialist you must make politically compromised films. You must contribute something.

My cinema is frivolous, stupid. It doesn't solve anything. On the contrary, it tends to worsen everything. I escape my problems to dive into the most idiotic nonsense. Why so much frivolity? If I am conscious of my sins, why insist on committing them? Why jump into the pool of mud till covered with shit? If life is hell, I am a coward and cinema is just a noisy way to escape. Why insist on making comedies, commercial films, with no social transcendence? Is there a legitimate answer? Maybe not legitimate but there’s certainly an answer. Rage.

Yes, I escape. So what? The cemetery is full of the brave. Why don’t I abandon the cinema and solve my problems? Because I don't want to, because my face is swollen from the slaps I have received and now, it’s my turn.

Yes, I use films as a weapon, sometimes as a defense but, lately, I would like to hit a few innocents in the head with them.

Yes...enough already with being politically correct. I can't bear it anymore. Enough with being formal and doing the homework as expected. I don't want to see the damned Asian film anymore. I don’t want to bore people pretending to be intelligent and throw three tons of boredom to their faces. God bless Billy Wilder. God bless Hitchcock. He never won an Oscar and never gave us a second of boredom.

Yes, I agree, I am Spanish, European.... It is expected of me to hate everything that is American and be as tedious as Wim Wenders or even more. Fuck them! That is the problem, the key, the quid of the question: I am too frivolous for the European and too weird for the Americans. Or not?

Now that the world is a gigantic paella, shouldn't it be the time for things to change? Haven't we reached the limit of so much stupidity?

Let's laugh at those who believe in something and let's celebrate once and for all the joyful nihilism!

If nothing makes sense, if world leaders are nothing but demented clowns and we are the sad audience of their grotesque performance, let's paint our faces and let's bring out the machine guns!

Forgive me...I should have spoken about cinema.... El Crimen Perfecto is my most recent film and will be released in your country. It's a good one. It's a comedy. It's about a man, life and love. Don't miss it.